3 words for happiness
It is never a good feeling to go to bed feeling defeated. Simple, scientific ways to fight it back!
The English version of this topic is here
เฆเฆ เฆเฆชเฆฟเฆเงเฆฐ เฆฌเฆพเฆเฆฒเฆพ เฆฒเฆฟเฆเฆเงเฆฐ เฆเฆจเงเฆฏ เฆเฆเฆพเฆจเง เฆเงเฆฒเฆฟเฆ เฆเฆฐเงเฆจ
๐คด๐ฝ None of us are Alexander the Great that we have to conquer a new country every day.
๐๐พ However, it is never a good feeling to go to bed feeling defeated. To end the day in a feeling that the day did not end well.
๐๐พ On average, our life ends in similar feeling. I had a fight with someone unimportant, I did not receive that payment, or maybe my mobile batteries are dying down very fast.
๐๐พ However, if we go to the bed with a bitter taste in our mouth, then eventually we will develop a sense of inferiority complex and trust on life will slowly diminish.
๐๐พ We will then feel unnecessarily tired. Throughout the day, every now and then, and we will lose the joy of doing work.
Just a few days back, I was speaking to world's happiness expert, Professor Meike Bartels. Mika is a pioneer in positive psychology research, and she is based in Netherland.
โ๐ฝ Before we go to Europe, let's see what happens in our day to day life. Take an example.
๐๐พ Suppose you have invited 10 of us to your home for dinner, 9 of us told you that the dinner was fantastic, but one just slightly mentioned that, the curry should have had a little bit more salt.
๐๐พ That's it, you forget the places from 9 people you keep on thinking and get fixated on that single person, who said that the salt could have been better.
๐๐พ Throughout the rest of that, and when go to going to bed, you will keep on thinking, you should have been more careful about salt, or why, he said the salt was little less.
๐๐พ That single remark will over shadow the praise of 9 other people.
๐ฅน Actually, our mind is designed in such a way that, from the birth we keep on focusing on negative aspects much more than positive things in life. This is called a negative bias.
There are a lot of debates on this negative bias, whether this is a good or bad thing.
๐๐พ Some researchers say that negative bias is very important for our improvement, that without the feeling of, negative bias will not be able to improve our own self.
๐๐พ They are quite right.
๐คท๐ฝโโ๏ธThis negative bias one day saved our life, and even today is saving our life.
๐๐พ Back in the doors cave men days era of human civilization, the members of family who thought they will become, a friend of a visiting tiger who was visiting, the cave have all died.
๐๐พ So the people who wanted to be friend with tiger and wanted to roam the forest, sitting on tigers back, they have all become the food of that particular tiger. The groups of people who stayed inside that darkness of The cave for 2 days, fearing the tiger will come again, stayed alive.
๐๐พ We are the descendants of those people who feared the tiger and stayed inside The Cave.
๐๐พ Therefore, our mind is trained to think about what could go wrong and, what could be extremely bad on that particular wrong thing.
๐๐พ Yes, we keep on culturing the bad things in life.
However, for a conscientious person, the negative bias has got plenty of side effect, and today we concentrate on the side effects of the negative bias and we try to find out the ways of improving our life by, controlling our natural negative bias.๐๐พ If we keep suffering from negative bias, then from failure to failure, our lives will become miserable. Our days are filled with multiple failures, but success is standing up from that failure once more.
๐๐พ As humankind, we are very powerful. Otherwise, we would not have reigned over this hostile Earth for millions of years.
๐๐พ However, winning can only be achieved if you learn how to win. And there are skills to learn winning that schools and colleges wonโt teach you.
So, you have to learn how to win with the help of positive psychology.
๐๐พ Imagine a little toddler who smiles all the time, particularly without any reason. Once puberty comes, the smile disappears. The brain circuitry inside the skull becomes very complex under the influence of environment and hormones.
๐๐พ Our lives become more and more complex. The same toddler who used to laugh without any reason becomes a victim of negative bias.
๐๐พ However, researchers like Meike Bartels have found ways and strategies to checkmate these unnecessary negative biases in our minds. This is known as positive psychology. ๐๐พ The aim of positive psychology research is to find out how we can stay happy and feel better. For thousands of years, we had the wrong ideas about how to feel happy. We thought that possessing costly things like gems, jewels, or maybe a fancy BMW car would make us happy.
๐๐พ Sadly, that strategy fails. After spending millions and billions of dollars, people could not buy happiness.
Then in 1978, Brickman researched and found a very important finding. In his groundbreaking research, Brickman proved that after winning the lottery, people became more unhappy. At that time, no one believed Brickmanโs research and findings, not even scientists.
๐๐พ However, since then, Brickmanโs research has probably been repeated hundreds of times. Every time, the result came out the same. This time, scientists and humankind had to believe that happiness does not come from possession or becoming rich.
๐๐พ From that time, the concept of positive psychology started. The famous twin registry research in Minnesota, USA, proved that our happiness is controlled by genetic factorsโthe genes we inherit from our parents and grandparents.
๐๐พ That means, yes, if my father was an unhappy person, then there are good chances that I will be unhappy too when I reach his age.
๐๐พ If my mother threw tantrums all the time, I might throw tantrums at my partner just like her when I reach her age. But we must not forget the rest, 52%. This majority of 52% is in our control.
How we can control this 52% contributor for our happiness?
With our lifestyle
With our mental outlook that we can create and nourish by reading good books by mixing with good people, etc.
Yes, by avoiding negative bias, deliberate.
๐๐พ But before we go into how to control negative bias, let's recap what we have said.
Happiness has got 2 parts, 48% of happiness is controlled by our genetic factors, that means what nature has given to us. The rest, that is, 52% is controlled by how, we look after our physical and mental, health, that means how we nurture ourselves, this is in our control.
๐๐พ We have been to moon several decades ago, and now we have sent Voyager, and Voyager is sending signal over 3 decades now.
๐๐พ We have triumphed and, improved scientific researches manifold. However, the area which stays unconquered is our mind. We hardly know anything how our mind works.
๐๐พ However, with these little researches, humankind and scientists are trying to find out how predictable, our mind can be.
How the happiness hormone serotonin and dopamine can be regulated with our little steps in our day to day life so that we can become more happy, eventually.
๐๐พ Out of these control mechanisms, the one which you can do every night and with is to write 3 good things that happened to you today. And you have to write it down with bold letters in your small private diary.
๐๐พ Just remembering them is not enough. This is known as Happiness Journal. This happiness journal if kept over many weeks and many months eventually will reduce and abolish perhaps our negative bias. It will make us happy.
๐๐พ This practice, though, can be easily said but is difficult to follow.
Why?
๐๐พ Suppose you leave home of Tollygunge today, to go to your office in Esplanade. You had your office and then returned home after buying few fruits and bananas and return back home.
How did your day go? pretty bad, isn't it?.
๐๐พ While leaving home, you fell out with uber taxi driver, who didn't come at the right time. Then in the tube or in Metro, the crowd was so heavy that you almost, forgot the will to leave.
๐๐พ The air condition of the metro, did not work. As you come out of tube station in Esplanade, sudden untimely shower, drain tube from top to bottom. As you ran on the this Esplanade footpath to go to your office, you had the glimpse of the restaurant where you had, your first Kashmiri pulao with your ex.
๐๐พ After you reach your office, you find out your boss, who is always so unhappy. His lower part of teeth is always exposed and he always keeps on saying you could not do the work, right? Your colleagues are doing endless politics against you, but you have to still smile at them.
๐๐พ The most inefficient employee is getting twice of your salary because they are close to your boss. You being more efficient, get much less salary.
๐๐พ Once you come back home you realize, that with the fruit you are supposed to bring a can of milk, however, you forgot them. So if you think about your day, most things will not go very happy.
๐๐พ However, you have to turn that game. Quite deliberately after you had dinner, you have to start writing in your own private channel, not a lot, but just 3 words or 3 lines. What went good today?. If you cannot find out anything, I will give you the first 2,
But before we dive into how to control negative bias, letโs recap what weโve discussed.
Happiness has two parts: 48% of it is controlled by our genetic factors, meaning what nature has given us. The remaining 52% is controlled by how we look after our physical and mental healthโhow we nurture ourselves. ๐๐พ This part is in our control. Weโve been to the moon several decades ago, and now weโve sent Voyager, which has been sending signals for over three decades.
๐๐พ Weโve triumphed and improved scientific research manifold. However, the area that remains unconquered is our mind. We hardly know how our mind works. However, with these little bits of research, humankind and scientists are trying to find out how predictable our mind can be.
๐๐พ How the happiness hormones serotonin and dopamine can be regulated with our little steps in day-to-day life so that we can become happier, eventually. Out of these control mechanisms, one thing you can do every night is to write down three good things that happened to you today.
๐๐พ And you have to write them down in bold letters in your small private diary. Just remembering them is not enough. This is known as a Happiness Journal. If kept over many weeks and months, this happiness journal will eventually reduce and perhaps abolish our negative bias.
It will make us happy. This practice, though easily said, is difficult to follow.
๐๐พ The most inefficient employee is getting twice your salary because they are close to your boss. You, being more efficient, get much less. Once you come back home, you realize that with the fruit, you were supposed to bring a can of milk, but you forgot.
๐๐พ So, if you think about your day, most things didnโt go very well.
๐๐พ However, you have to turn that game around. Quite deliberately, after dinner, you have to start writing in your own private journalโnot a lot, just three words or three lines.
What went well today? If you canโt find anything, Iโll give you the first two:
Number one, you are still alive. That means out of the 150,000 people who did not see the sunrise today, whose lives ended yesterday, you are better off than them.
And number two, you can see with your own eyes. That means you are better off than the 40 million people in this world who are hard of seeing. Right? You now believe that you are better.
But when you write these two things, your mind will start to think differently. While you were having that short ride on Uber, you saw a corner shop selling fresh flowers, lovely roses. At that crowded metro station, you glimpsed an old friend and smiled at her.
And of course, todayโs office lunch wasnโt that bad; it was rather tasty. And yes, today at the office, you had the initial blueprint of your next holiday in Lahaul Spiti. Gradually, all these so-called obscure happy moments will come to mind, and youโll write them downโjust three things.
๐๐พ Why three things? I donโt know. Meike said three things, so Iโm saying three things. But you have to write these positives down just before going to bed. You might forget for the first 70 days, so remind yourself by setting an alarm on your mobile. But after 70 days, your brain will remember on its own.
Why 70?
If you want to know, write it down below, and Iโll come back with that answer in another research.
How Meike Bartels found out about this issue?
Iโll detail in a blog post that will be published on Substack in the future. So, if you want to hear about that, please go and subscribe to our Substack blog.
Whoever I suggested this to has benefited immensely from this little exercise. However, you will experience three obstacles at this point:
Number one: You will doubt the purpose of doing this Happiness Journal.
Number two: You will forget to write in this Happiness Journal for the first few days.
Number three: You will worry about your privacy if your Happiness Journal falls into someone elseโs hands.
๐๐พ Well, if you overcome these three obstacles, a new dawn is waiting for you with lots of gifts in its hand.
๐๐พ Just writing for a few days wonโt let you reap the benefits.
๐๐พ However, if you keep writing for weeks and months, eventually your brain will feel better, and your outlook on life will change. You will tend to ignore office politics and start looking at the brighter side of life.
๐๐พ Youโll feel empowered to avoid toxic and judgmental people around you. In your own mind, youโll go to a place where itโs all happy, where you can breathe oxygen with your lungs full.
๐๐พ Failure and disappointments are integral parts of life; going beyond that is called happiness. One important tip, last but not least, is that you have to keep writing because if you keep writing, those written words will stimulate a particular center in the brain known as Brocaโs area.
๐๐พ If you stimulate Brocaโs area, the effect of this writing will be better. So just thinking and imagining what went well is not helpful. You have to write it down and see all those written words with your own eyes to get the best benefit.
This is an impartial , unsponsored health information. For public awareness and not a replacement of Medical Advice.